Project Celica(s)

http://www.detnews.com/article/20100617/AUTO03/6170321/1149/24-Hours-of-LeMons–Car-racing-with-$500–sense-of-humor

To: 24 Hours of Lemons HQ
Fr: Team Reynolds Style

re: Residual Value.

Somewhere deep in the confines of Team Reynolds Style Head Quarters….

Mike: How long do I wait to call?
Curt: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow?
Curt: No…
Sebastian: Tomorrow, then a day.
Curt: Yeah.
Mike: So, two days?
Curt: Yeah. I guess you could call it that.
Allison: Definitely. Two days. That’s the industry standard…
Curt: I used to wait two days. Now everyone waits two days for residual value requests. Three days is kinda money now, especially if you were black flagged alot, don’t you think?
Allison: … Yeah. But two’s enough not to look anxious, unless you bribed the judges
Curt: Yeah, but three days is kinda the money – besides – Jay knew what team I was on.
Mike: Why don’t I just wait three weeks and tell Jay I was cleaning out the car and found his number
Sebastian: Then ask if he remembers Michigan and the bitter fucking wind.
Mike: Yeah, I’ll tell him I don’t remember the residual value from last time and then I’ll ask what he gave the other jokers in the Celica

(pause)

Mike: Then I’ll ask if we fucked. How’s that, Curt? Is that “the money”?
Curt: Laugh all you want, but if you call to soon you can piss off an otherwise nice guy who’s ready to cut us a good residual value
Allison: Don’t listen to him. You call whenever it feels right to you.
Mike (over to Team Firey Death): How long are you guys gonna wait to call Jay?
Team Firey Death: Six days.

A day, and then a day (or is that tomorrow?) later…

Mike dials.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike. I met you at the Track, Gingerman. I, uh, just called to say I, uh, I’m really glad we met and you should give me a call about residual value. So call me tomorrow, or , like, in two days, whatever. My number is 213-555-4679..(beep)

Mike hangs up.
He dials again.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike, again. I just called because it sounded like your machine might’ve cut me off before I told you what was wrong with the car, and also to say sorry for calling so late, but you were still handing out awards when I left the Track, so I knew I’d get your machine. Anyway, my number is…(beep)

Mike calls back right away.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: 213-555-4679. That’s all. I just wanted to leave my number. I don’t want you to think I’m weird, or desperate for a good price or something…… I mean, you know, we should just talk about the engine. That’s it. No expectations. Just, you know it sounds really weak after two races. And the car has started to understeer – Bye. (beep)

Mike hangs up.
He dials.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: I just got out of getting boned by ChumpCar – They think our exhaust is Shit. Okay? It fell off twice at Gingerman for god’s sake – That should help to explain why I’m acting so weird. It’s not you. It’s me. I just wanted to say that. Sorry.(pause) This is Mike.(beep)

He dials again. There’s no turning back.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike again. Could you just call me when you get in? I’ll be up for awhile fixing a dent from those insufferable MR2 drivers, I think they bent a tie rod too… Anyway, I’d just rather talk to you in person instead of trying to squeeze it all…(beep)

He dials yet again.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: Hi, Jay. Mike. I don’t think this is working out. I think you’re great, I think Lemons is great but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. Crap can racing is getting really popular and all…. It’s not you, really.It’s the car. It’s only been six months…

Jay: Mike?

Mike: Jay! Great! Did you just walk in, or were you listening all along?

Jay: Don’t call me ever again.

Mike: Wow, I guess you were home…(click)

Thanks Jay!

- Team Reynolds Style

Totally out of order but, eh, at least we are updating you ingrates…. So this is the marathon prep for American Irony… I can’t remember everything but it was, paint, stickers, new roll cage padding, new mirror, new coil, new brake line mounting hardware, bled the brakes, new oil, replaced the coolant with water, installed to wideband O2, switch panel, mounted the exhaust…  anyway -- enjoy.

Here are the Lap Results of the Race:

Graph of Lap Times

The order of the race went:

Saturday:
Mike
Sebastian
Curt
Mike

Sunday:
Sebastian
Curt

You can sort of make out the pits with the long lines going up…  I came in after going 4 Off, Sebastian came in after destroying the front brakes, Curts Saturday run was uneventful?  I wrapped up Saturday – but not before forgetting my neck brace (thanks TEAM) and then having to pit to find sun glasses.  Sunday was not much better with Sebastian and Curt having Exhaust failures (the kind where shit is dragging) and Curt having to Drag Race (yes… both definitions of the word DRAG apply in this instance) after not playing nice in the sandbox with a MR2.  He brought the care home safe – albeit on fumes.  Fair play to all the drivers – we did… not terrible and probably had a top 10 fastest lap.

Last weekend we at Team Reynolds Style competed in our second official and sanctioned racing event: The 24 Hours of Lemons: American Irony Race at Gingerman Raceway in South Haven, MI. (dot com slash the movie II in 3D and based on true events)

Due to a death in the family we were down our best-looking team member so we ran an out-law race with fewer than the “required” number of drivers. (I make up my own rules and then i break those too!)

Turns out Michigan’s West Coast is cold and windy (who knew) and it made for some chilly camping. We tech’ed and practiced on Friday, where the judges for the second year insulted our cheating abilities by not even lifting the hood. Joke’s on us for running a stock engine, I suppose… It was a completely different experience this year with no mad, last second dash to finish the car. Instead we dined on fancy Italian cuisine Friday night and told dirty jokes while those other schlubs worried about things like roll-bar padding and why their train-wreck of a car wouldn’t start. Honestly, it was too cold for that shit anyway.

Saturday was the big day and it started with our fearless leader taking the green flag. After two hours we were in a heady 13th place of 53 when Mike put 4 off (He swears an armadillo ran out onto the track and I’m inclined to believe him) and the resulting black flag dropped us to midpack while waiting for the concession stand girls to whip up 6 hot chocolates for the judges (my $1 tip to “speed it up” was sorely under appreciated). The flying Romanian took over and immediately started earning back those lost positions. The car was turning and stopping like Christ on a bike but the go button was still much devolved from the rest of the pack. Even so, we were back in the top 15 when Seb pulled in for “odd brake pedal feel.”

The oddness, it would seem, was somehow related to the brake fire. (This story ends with Team Reynolds Style back on the track and our neighbors being repayed one fully charged fire extinguisher).

As you, the reader can see now, there is pattern emerging that goes something like this: 1) Make some headway 2) lose it to misfortune. Remember that. After the fir- … Brake problem, we were deep in the numbers, somewhere in the bottom half of the pack. This is when your fearless author stepped up to the wheel and again, started climbing the ladder that so loved to buck us off. I put in my two hours and El Capitan rotated in for another 2 himself. Saturday was free incident for the last half of the day and we ended the day somewhere in high teens/low 20s.

Sunday was supposed to be our day. Sunday was supposed to end differently than it did. When I woke up Sunday, shivering and sore, I KNEW in my heart we could pull a top 10 finish, but It was not meant to be. Seb drove hard but the exhaust header down-pipe let go when the bolts loosened and abandoned ship. 30 minutes later when his driving stint was up, we had to run a NASCAR style tire-swap (you know, without the power tools or training or manpower) as the tires that worked so well yesterday were worn and gnarled today. I took over for the final 3 hours and required 2 unscheduled trips to the pits- once to repair the OTHER exhaust failure (this time requiring tow-truck assistance and a bungee cord) and once because some yahoo in a hack-sawed MR2 tried to occupy a lane i was already occupying. After he pit maneuvered himself on my front clip and spun out, we had to sort it out in front of the judges. Luckily i whooped his monkey ass in a high-heeled foot race (while wearing a wig and a dress, like i do) and was spared the 15 minute sidelining penalty that he suffered.

The final tally for the damages? 21st place. Some Pictures.

(Here’s a shout out to the people who showed up to support. Pretty much all your names start with J.)

-Sleazy C

So – Here I am, minding my own business, where this gem pops up in my email:

Dear Mr. Coury,

Thank you for shopping with us at www.PegasusAutoRacing.com.

The actual cost to ship your order was less than estimated, so we are crediting

your Visa card $9.  I will send you a copy of the refund for your records.

Thank you again for your business.

Carrie Schwab
Pegasus Auto Racing Supplies
systems@PegasusAutoRacing.com

times 2

The mustache rule, stating simply that all Team Reynolds associates
would don a mustache, was the work of a small group of idealistic
individuals, not unlike most political movements and Josh Whedon
series.  And, in the same way, it was corrupted and taken advantage of
until race day came and we showed up looking like a bunch of
slack-jawed smooth-skinned yocals and one fierce-faced Burt
Reynolds-Esq man.

Me.

Dare to Dream!

Yes, it’s true, that I have a dream; A dream that one day we will live
in a world where Team Reynolds Style stands shoulder to shoulder,
brother to brother as one uniform voice that cries out in unison, “No,
we will not conform to your standards of hygene.  We will not put down
our jean jackets and sell our vans.  We will drink PBR in an un-ironic
way and as Burt Reynolds as our witness our lip will never be cold
again!”

But alas, the movement has had to adapt to the times.  We cannot
pretend that we do not live in a world where a man should fear not of
the thoughts of his neighbors, the words of his peers and the touch of
his lovers when he presents his prideful, mustachioed lip to the light.  And
as such we men of The ‘Stache must be willing to embrace another who is
mustached in spirit, if not in practice.  Our sisters and fair-haired
brothers who will grow-not a flavor savor but can act as a bridge
between us the freedom fighter, and them, the outside world that shuns
us.

So i say unto all of thee; come into my bad ass kingdom and bring your
dimes, for mustache rides have always, and will forever be, just ten
cents.

Amen.

On Wed, Jan 20, 2010 at 1:07 PM, Martin  wrote:
> Those of us who are mustache impared want to know.
>
> On Jan 20, 2010, at 12:09 PM, Christos wrote:
>
>> Btw, what is the mustache policy?
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>> On Jan 20, 2010, at 11:58 AM, Curt  wrote:
>>
>>> We’re getting ready for another race coming up here in April on the
>>> west coast of Michigan.  Team Reynolds Style will be representing. If
>>> you’re interested in seeing true debacle of racing, come check it out.
>>> (Otherwise we’ll be back again in the fall.)
>>>
>>> Details here:
>>>
>>> http://www.24hoursoflemons.com/detroitirony10/

So the cats over at Jalopnik had a little rambling about past Celicas performances at lemons… I think the judges agreed as soon as they saw that our car was a celica – they passed us with 0 BS points without so much as cracking the hood… Hopefully after this year they will pay more attention to the rally inspired car

http://jalopnik.com/5450323/lemons-torture-test-results-fwd-Toyota-celica

Wanted to get this up ASAP – commentary to follow!