Project Celica(s)

Forgot to post this from last time….

 

WE SEE Mike Coury of Team Reynolds Style meekly seated at table facing Jay Lamm.  Andy is standing behind Mike for support.

                                     JAY
                              (groaning)
                         If you knew those fucking Judges.
                         They're nuts. Especially that Judge Phil.
                         What am I going to do with them?

                                     MIKE
                              (sweating)
                         But I'm worried. I'm hearing all
                         kinds of things. Jay.  You know
                         me all my driving career.  I've always 
                         done the right thing. Barely any black flags,
                         Bribing even when we get Zero BS Laps

                                     JAY
                         You think that matters?  You think
                         they give a shit about anything?
                         The little bastards still put you in Group A.

                                     MIKE
                         But it isn't right, Jay.
                         That Phil, he's making trouble
                         for me all over the Paddock. He put us in group A.
                         I can't compete here.  I have 100 fucking horse.

                                     JAY
                         You?  You think you're the only
                         one?  I've talked to them a million
                         times, but they don't listen.

                                     MIKE
                              (weakly)
                         But, Jay, please, we only finished 5th.

                                     JAY
                              (barely listening)
                         Someday they'll get what's coming
                         to them. That's the only way they'll
                         stop.

                                     MIKE
                              (pleading)
                         Jay, I swear, I'm afraid. The
                         guy's nuts. What do I have to do?
                         Whatever I gotta do, I'll do.

                                     JAY
                              (arms outstretched
                              like a saint)
                         What can I do? If I could do
                         something, don't you think I would?

               MIKE looks up at ANDY for support.

                                     ANDY
                              (to MIKE)
                         Tell him. It's okay.

                                     JAY
                         What?

                                     MIKE
                         I was thinking that maybe you could
                         give me a good price. Take a piece off
                         the top. If you were to do say $250,
                         maybe than they'd have to lay off.

                                     JAY
                         What, do I need ...

                                     MIKE
                              (interrupting)
                         I mean it. We could do good. The car is in one
                         piece, it just needs something, a junk yard turbo,
                         or a new head, something..to make us competitive.

                                     JAY
                         You want a residual value?

                                     MIKE
                         Please?

               EXT. Gingerman Raceway - OUTSIDE - DAY

               WE SEE boxes with turbos, headers, piles of tires, even
               tools like air guns and large torque wrenches are being unloaded
               and delivered into the pit.

                                     ANDY(V.O.)
                         Now the guy's got a residual value from Jay.
                         Any problems, he goes to Jay. Trouble with the track?
                         He can go to Jay. Trouble with the
                         other teams? Black Flags? Judge Phil?
                         He can call Jay.

                                     ANDY(V.O.)
                         But now the guy has got to come up
                         with Jay's money every week,
                         no matter what. Business bad? Fuck
                         you, pay me. You had a fire?  Fuck
                         you, pay me.  The place got hit by
                         lighting? Fuck you, pay me.  Also,
                         Jay could do anything. Especially
                         buy the car out from under their noses
                         for $500. Why not? Nobody's gonna pay
                         for it anyway.

 Thanks Jay!!

 - Team Reynolds Style

From the offices of Team Reynolds Style:

 

Our team patriarch, Burt Reynolds, was recently cast in an epic motorsports fable requiring a pilgrimage to Cimmeria.  He was accompanied by his body building, gubernatorial, Austrian co-star / sherpa warrior. We told him of our quest to race at Gingerman in April, 2012.  Upon hearing the news, he returned.  Ever changed, he handed down these words of wisdom to race by:

Combustion and Exhaust come from the sky, from the gods of the sky. But Octane is your god, 85.5 Octane and he lives in the earth. Once, giant Detroit automobiles lived on the Earth, boys. And in the darkness of the ‘70s gas embargoes, they fooled Octane, and they took from him the enigma of high performance. Octane was angered. And Interstate 94 crumbled further. EGR and Catalytic Converters struck down these American giants, and they threw their rods onto the pavement, but in their rage, the Big 3 had forsaken the secret of high performance and left it to the Bavarians. We who rediscovered it are just men. Not SCCA members. Not Chumps. Just men. The secret of high performance has always carried with it a mystery. You must learn its riddle, boys. You must learn its discipline. For no one – no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not Apex seals.

[Points to shitty 1995 Toyota Celica]  This you can trust. 

Octane, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good drivers or bad. Why we punted, or why we crashed. All that matters is that our Celica achieved so much against many. That’s what’s important! Valor pleases you, Octane… so grant me one request. Grant me nickels! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you; we’ll switch to bio-diesel!

 

 

Things over heard during Team Reynolds Style request for a residual value with the 24 Hours of Lemons Staff:

Jay: Boys, if you’re thinking about getting a favorable residual and winning this race, then you’re as crazy as he is (Judge Phil).
TRS: Well, maybe so. But you spend four years in this crapcan event, you begin to understand that you’ve only got two things left the judges can’t sweat out of you or beat out of you; your balls. And you better hang onto them, because they’re about the only thing you’re gonna have when you get out of here.
————————————————————————————————————————————
Jay: Whattya got for me, Sunshine?
TRS: I can get you a 1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Brougham, a 1978 Chrysler Cordoba, a 1972 Lincoln Continental Mark IV, anything you want. You name it. I’m the best junk yard scavenger in the joint.
Jay: How much of what this guy says he can do, can he do?
Judge Phil: He can get you laid in a 1965 Impala… with a woman.
————————————————————————————————————————————
TRS: Dammit, Jay, I think this residual value is a big mistake.
Jay: Guys, not only will you have the chance to hone your cheating to a fine edge, you’ll also have the opportunity to learn a great deal about life. Why is it, do you suppose, that I can walk through these pits, surrounded by hate, and in total command?
TRS: Because you’ve got 15 corner marshals with black flags all around you that say you can.
————————————————————————————————————————————
TRS: Most of these old racing dogs don’t have nothing. Never had nothing to start with. But you, You had it all. Then you let that Pratt and Miller Camaro race, got yourself caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
Judge Phil: Oh I did, did I?
TRS: Oh I ain’t saying you did or you didn’t. All I’m saying is that you could have given us a better residual, sold dope or stole your grandmother’s pension checks and none of us would have minded. But not docking that E30 more laps, man that’s un-American.
————————————————————————————————————————————
TRS: Well, there he is. Judge Sam, baddest cat in the paddock. Even the marshals are scared of him. He killed three people on the back straight in ’98 and two since he’s been promoted to a judge.
Jay: Yeah, that dive bombing is some bad stuff.
Judge Phil: Oh, that was before he learned to drive.
Jay: Say, what’s he doing now?
TRS: Nobody’s ever had the guts to ask him. Some say… he’s doing the best British motoring show……………………………………………………………………in the world

Thanks Guys!

- Team Reynolds Style
Mike, Andy, & Sebastian

It’s foggy and there is a Hessian….

So… apologies all around, I don’t have very many photos from Saturday.  Driving order was as such:

Mike
Andy
Sebastian
Jeremy

All I can say is that driving was very slow, very deliberate.  Driving the first session was an adventure as everyone was trying to figure out how to run the course in the rain on summer tires.  I ended my driving session 7th place I think.  Andy’s drive was rather uneventful, though he came in early due to a dead radio.  Sebastian’s run was equally quiet, he also came in a little early due to a sudden temperature drop and the windshield of the race car fogged right up and he couldn’t see.

Jeremy’s drive was a little more interesting.    As he drove, the rain turned to sleet and snow.  Thankfully Jer is a experienced, accomplished ice racer and had no problem navigating the landscape.  With about an hour left, the tower lost communications with the corner workers, which proved to be a bit of a disaster.  They black flagged the entire field, and pulled all of the cars off the track.

The guys at lemons re-staged the top 10 drivers for a restart.  At this time were were 6th or 5th?

It was not to last though… the snow and slush was so thick that the corner workers and the tower had trouble seeing the cars on the track and the green flag came out 30 minutes early, but in 4th place!

As a team, we did not get any black flags on Saturday, probably one of like 6 teams.

Again, full weekend Gallery HERE

Friday, I arrived at the track at the butt ass crack of dawn… I have begun to really appreciate, almost love, the early mornings at Gingerman Raceway, the quiet optimism of the day really puts me in a great mood, and well… I am at a race track… indeed… the best of times.

The wind was so bad that we set up the tent only partially so that it wouldn’t get blown over…. the wind on friday was absolutely punishing

Tech was uneventful, we passed after affixing the battery directly to the car, as opposed to just the battery box.  BS was also a breeze… however we got into some shit for not getting a proper residual value from last race.  Thankfully the Detroit Brew Co. Saunders Chocolate Stout and Hoodie seemed to put us back into the Supreme Court’s good graces.  We left with Zero BS penalty laps and a class ‘A’ identification, clearly Judge Phil and Judge Same have a new found respect for our hooptie.

Some of the cool cars floating at Gingerman are here:

A quick word about that Splatos Fiat.  It’s a Mid Rear Fiat with a FWD Alfa Romeo Engine transplated in the back…. pretty wicked stuff

Friday ended with some excellent Mexican food in town and bitter cold rain and wind that would not stop.  I slept in the truck, completely bypassing the failed attempt at sleeping in a tent.  My man card may have taken a hit, but by god I was dry and warm.

Again, full weekend Gallery HERE

Right, so… painfully neglectful for posting, again <sigh>.  Frankly, I blame Curt for all of this. So… where to start… new guys…

Right, since Curt and Allison have high tailed it to the dusty south west, TRS was looking for fresh blood.  Luckily this new guy at work is a total sucker, er as enthusiastic about motorsports as I am, and I brought him into the fold, so…. say hi to Andy.

He brought along his good friend Jeremy to the cause.  It’s important to note here, that both Andy and Jer are Michigan Tech Alums… an uncomfortable trend that dates back to Curt, one of the founding fathers of TRS.

Pre race work was rather uneventful:

New tires!

Sebastian freshened up the brakes with turned rotors and fresh pads

Andy and Jer did a hell of a lot of work to move the seat and steering wheel, to get us away from the roll cage. The rules for Lemons are getting more strict and more ‘safe’ and our cage is slowly falling out spec.  The guys shaved down a center mount and made a new seat mount to allow the set to sit lower in the car and further inbound, making your head further away from the main hoops.

Me?  I just spent all of our money and poured over the rules <sigh>

Not pictured are the new hubs, bearings, and driver’s side inner tie rod.  The hubs were shot and that was killing the bearings prematurely.  Sebastian was playing bumper cars last race and bent the inner tie rod.  No matter… since he brought us home 2nd overall, we’ll forgive him, but never let him forget.

Also not pictured, the wicked cool hoodies for the effen cold Michigan weather

Lastly, full pre race gallery (it’s weak apple sauce, I know), HERE