Team Reynolds Style Residual Value Request
To: 24 Hours of Lemons HQ
Fr: Team Reynolds Style
re: Residual Value.
Somewhere deep in the confines of Team Reynolds Style Head Quarters….
Mike: How long do I wait to call?
Curt: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow?
Curt: No…
Sebastian: Tomorrow, then a day.
Curt: Yeah.
Mike: So, two days?
Curt: Yeah. I guess you could call it that.
Allison: Definitely. Two days. That’s the industry standard…
Curt: I used to wait two days. Now everyone waits two days for residual value requests. Three days is kinda money now, especially if you were black flagged alot, don’t you think?
Allison: … Yeah. But two’s enough not to look anxious, unless you bribed the judges
Curt: Yeah, but three days is kinda the money – besides – Jay knew what team I was on.
Mike: Why don’t I just wait three weeks and tell Jay I was cleaning out the car and found his number
Sebastian: Then ask if he remembers Michigan and the bitter fucking wind.
Mike: Yeah, I’ll tell him I don’t remember the residual value from last time and then I’ll ask what he gave the other jokers in the Celica
(pause)
Mike: Then I’ll ask if we fucked. How’s that, Curt? Is that “the money”?
Curt: Laugh all you want, but if you call to soon you can piss off an otherwise nice guy who’s ready to cut us a good residual value
Allison: Don’t listen to him. You call whenever it feels right to you.
Mike (over to Team Firey Death): How long are you guys gonna wait to call Jay?
Team Firey Death: Six days.
A day, and then a day (or is that tomorrow?) later…
Mike dials.
Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)
Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike. I met you at the Track, Gingerman. I, uh, just called to say I, uh, I’m really glad we met and you should give me a call about residual value. So call me tomorrow, or , like, in two days, whatever. My number is 213-555-4679..(beep)
Mike hangs up.
He dials again.
Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)
Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike, again. I just called because it sounded like your machine might’ve cut me off before I told you what was wrong with the car, and also to say sorry for calling so late, but you were still handing out awards when I left the Track, so I knew I’d get your machine. Anyway, my number is…(beep)
Mike calls back right away.
Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)
Mike: 213-555-4679. That’s all. I just wanted to leave my number. I don’t want you to think I’m weird, or desperate for a good price or something…… I mean, you know, we should just talk about the engine. That’s it. No expectations. Just, you know it sounds really weak after two races. And the car has started to understeer – Bye. (beep)
Mike hangs up.
He dials.
Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)
Mike: I just got out of getting boned by ChumpCar – They think our exhaust is Shit. Okay? It fell off twice at Gingerman for god’s sake – That should help to explain why I’m acting so weird. It’s not you. It’s me. I just wanted to say that. Sorry.(pause) This is Mike.(beep)
He dials again. There’s no turning back.
Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)
Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike again. Could you just call me when you get in? I’ll be up for awhile fixing a dent from those insufferable MR2 drivers, I think they bent a tie rod too… Anyway, I’d just rather talk to you in person instead of trying to squeeze it all…(beep)
He dials yet again.
Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)
Mike: Hi, Jay. Mike. I don’t think this is working out. I think you’re great, I think Lemons is great but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. Crap can racing is getting really popular and all…. It’s not you, really.It’s the car. It’s only been six months…
Jay: Mike?
Mike: Jay! Great! Did you just walk in, or were you listening all along?
Jay: Don’t call me ever again.
Mike: Wow, I guess you were home…(click)
Thanks Jay!
- Team Reynolds Style
