Project Celica(s)

To: 24 Hours of Lemons HQ
Fr: Team Reynolds Style

re: Residual Value.

Somewhere deep in the confines of Team Reynolds Style Head Quarters….

Mike: How long do I wait to call?
Curt: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow?
Curt: No…
Sebastian: Tomorrow, then a day.
Curt: Yeah.
Mike: So, two days?
Curt: Yeah. I guess you could call it that.
Allison: Definitely. Two days. That’s the industry standard…
Curt: I used to wait two days. Now everyone waits two days for residual value requests. Three days is kinda money now, especially if you were black flagged alot, don’t you think?
Allison: … Yeah. But two’s enough not to look anxious, unless you bribed the judges
Curt: Yeah, but three days is kinda the money – besides – Jay knew what team I was on.
Mike: Why don’t I just wait three weeks and tell Jay I was cleaning out the car and found his number
Sebastian: Then ask if he remembers Michigan and the bitter fucking wind.
Mike: Yeah, I’ll tell him I don’t remember the residual value from last time and then I’ll ask what he gave the other jokers in the Celica

(pause)

Mike: Then I’ll ask if we fucked. How’s that, Curt? Is that “the money”?
Curt: Laugh all you want, but if you call to soon you can piss off an otherwise nice guy who’s ready to cut us a good residual value
Allison: Don’t listen to him. You call whenever it feels right to you.
Mike (over to Team Firey Death): How long are you guys gonna wait to call Jay?
Team Firey Death: Six days.

A day, and then a day (or is that tomorrow?) later…

Mike dials.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike. I met you at the Track, Gingerman. I, uh, just called to say I, uh, I’m really glad we met and you should give me a call about residual value. So call me tomorrow, or , like, in two days, whatever. My number is 213-555-4679..(beep)

Mike hangs up.
He dials again.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike, again. I just called because it sounded like your machine might’ve cut me off before I told you what was wrong with the car, and also to say sorry for calling so late, but you were still handing out awards when I left the Track, so I knew I’d get your machine. Anyway, my number is…(beep)

Mike calls back right away.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: 213-555-4679. That’s all. I just wanted to leave my number. I don’t want you to think I’m weird, or desperate for a good price or something…… I mean, you know, we should just talk about the engine. That’s it. No expectations. Just, you know it sounds really weak after two races. And the car has started to understeer – Bye. (beep)

Mike hangs up.
He dials.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: I just got out of getting boned by ChumpCar – They think our exhaust is Shit. Okay? It fell off twice at Gingerman for god’s sake – That should help to explain why I’m acting so weird. It’s not you. It’s me. I just wanted to say that. Sorry.(pause) This is Mike.(beep)

He dials again. There’s no turning back.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: Hi, Jay. This is Mike again. Could you just call me when you get in? I’ll be up for awhile fixing a dent from those insufferable MR2 drivers, I think they bent a tie rod too… Anyway, I’d just rather talk to you in person instead of trying to squeeze it all…(beep)

He dials yet again.

Jay (recorded): Hi. This is Jay. Leave a message. (beep)

Mike: Hi, Jay. Mike. I don’t think this is working out. I think you’re great, I think Lemons is great but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. Crap can racing is getting really popular and all…. It’s not you, really.It’s the car. It’s only been six months…

Jay: Mike?

Mike: Jay! Great! Did you just walk in, or were you listening all along?

Jay: Don’t call me ever again.

Mike: Wow, I guess you were home…(click)

Thanks Jay!

- Team Reynolds Style

Totally out of order but, eh, at least we are updating you ingrates…. So this is the marathon prep for American Irony… I can’t remember everything but it was, paint, stickers, new roll cage padding, new mirror, new coil, new brake line mounting hardware, bled the brakes, new oil, replaced the coolant with water, installed to wideband O2, switch panel, mounted the exhaust…  anyway -- enjoy.

Here are the Lap Results of the Race:

Graph of Lap Times

The order of the race went:

Saturday:
Mike
Sebastian
Curt
Mike

Sunday:
Sebastian
Curt

You can sort of make out the pits with the long lines going up…  I came in after going 4 Off, Sebastian came in after destroying the front brakes, Curts Saturday run was uneventful?  I wrapped up Saturday – but not before forgetting my neck brace (thanks TEAM) and then having to pit to find sun glasses.  Sunday was not much better with Sebastian and Curt having Exhaust failures (the kind where shit is dragging) and Curt having to Drag Race (yes… both definitions of the word DRAG apply in this instance) after not playing nice in the sandbox with a MR2.  He brought the care home safe – albeit on fumes.  Fair play to all the drivers – we did… not terrible and probably had a top 10 fastest lap.

times 2

Wanted to get this up ASAP – commentary to follow!

You cannot start a conversation with anyone in the automotive service / parts world without following a very very very strict speech pattern.  Any deviation will result in starting over from the very beginning.  Its like dealing with The Soup Nazi without the verbal abuse.  For example:

Michael: lol

Starting to put the car together for more serious driving…

w00t

I’m taking the hood, front bumper, and headlights from my daily driver for the race car.  The sacrifices you make…

Typical white boy name

See that over there? That’s mine.
My baby.
I ain’t cutting her loose tonight.
Why not?
I’m going legit, homey.

That’s right – the race car is Titled, Licensed, Registered, and Insured – w00t!

More in a few…. I Promise!

Surprisingly using the spring compressor was not the most dangerous activity of the day. That was reserved for my jumping through the garage window, over multiple sharp metal bits, to unlock the garage from the inside.

Needless to say, this was actually one of the dumber things I have done recently but I made the jump with the grace and precision of…a…200 lb Italian… Anyway…

After work, I called my father to tell him I loved him and went off to purchase a spring compressor. Comfortable with the prospect of death by sprung steel is a requirement for buying and using one of these medieval devices and the kid from Autozone measured me carefully and judged my mettle to be ready for such a prospect as the Amex was approved with neigh a whisper.

The disassembly and reassembly of the front shocks was anticlimactic to stay the least. We had more worries about assembling the shocks for mounting in the right direction then any angry noise with the spring compressors.

First, with the springs carefully compressed and secured we removed the top assembly of the strut, separated the spring from the strut and removed the bump stop / travel limiter.

A mandatory trip to the Depot was in order to secure a monkey wrench (pipe wrench?) to be able to tear apart the strut. The replacement gas cylinder would sit where the once oil filled and seal shock was valved. Of course, we didn’t realize it was a liquid strut until Curt pissed gear oil all over the ground while turning the strut over.

After placing the gas cylinder in place, it was a matter of reversing the process – and using the new progressive – lowered springs – and assembly was a snap. As always – doing this with air tools would have been infinitely easier.

Sadly, in the midst of attempting to reassmble the second strut, it was discovered that we had lost the hardware kit for the KYB gas cylinder and would not be able to continue until we received replacements from KYB.

After we discovered that we lost the hardware kit for the other front shock – We went for some low hanging fruit by hanging the other “Manual Locks and Windows” door. That door look familiar to any of you? Maybe the seared and charred sheet metal by the front hinge will jog your memories. The flames of broken dreams and lost innocence haunt me to this very day. Yes Victoria, that is the door from the doomed “Project Celica” of my sorted past. Resurrected from the garden shed of my parents to live possibly a better life than ever before though possible as a vital component of a Lemon’s Race Car. One could only dream of a life so fulfilled. Actually, I ahave been pleasantly surprised at the fitment of both doors, I understand it is from the same series of car but… have you seen the fitment on domestics (shudder). Anyway – that sucker doesn’t have a mirror which can be either left alone or for symmetry – and I am for this solution – we will put the red mirrors back on the car so that they match up.

I’ve decided I’m going to start ending every post with a list of tools purchased and trips taken to give us some tangiable understanding of the hoops that need jumping every god damn time we wrench on this car

Trips and Tools

Autozone – Spring Compressor Set

Home Depot – Pipe Wrench, Easy Out Kit

Injuries and Blood Letting

Mike – None.

Curt – Just his ego after learning I was right about the gas cylinders.